It was my 21st last night, and I will maybe blog about it later, but I had the weirdest dream this afternoon which I think is more important / which I remember more of.
Okay, so here's a prologue-ish disclaimery blurb. I recently quit my job because I'm batshit crazy. Also, I left home for a while because my parents (or rather, parent) are batshit crazy. I'm thinking about getting a Christmas-casual job at our friend's bookstore, because I need the dough for NYC. My dad's compensation claim came through so he said I can pay him back after I return from the US, but I still would like to make some cash to give him. Also, the Queen is coming to Canberra next week and it's sorta become a running joke with some of my friends. I'm also afraid of flying, and spend a lot of time at the National Library, which is this great big beautiful building in Canberra. And last night I drank a lot of absinthe.
So I didn't sleep in my bed last night because there was vomit everywhere. This afternoon, when it was all cleaned up and the sheets were changed, I crept in for a few hours of relief from what may go down in history as the worst hangover ever. And then I dreamt this:
I got a job at the bookstore, which for some reason was in the National Library. And the NLA was in the middle of the city, as opposed to the other side of Lake Burley Griffin. Anyway, I was serving a customer and then she requested a specific book, which was across the road hidden under a tree a la Shawshank Redemption. So I went outside to get it, and then that slick jet from X-Men started flying toward me, up in the sky. It was heading for the airport judging by its direction, and everyone started saying "Oh that's the Queen's plane, she's arrived!" ... and I was like "Oh cools" and then the plane did something weird, it made like a loop in the air and then crashed in the lake. It was so intense. It half exploded, half plonked in the water. I was like "NO! LIZ!" and started running across the road toward the Lake, but then I looked right and a massive Qantas 747 was turning on the road, like it was taxi-ing down a runway. And then it started picking up speed and taking off, right toward me! I freaked out, ran across the road toward the lake and toward safety. Then the 747 did the exact same thing as the Queen's X-men jet. It looped and crashed into the Lake, in the same spot, but this time it was a massive explosion. I was freaking out, because so many people had just died in front of me, including the Queen of England. And there was this little old Asian guy swimming in the Lake, and when the X-jet crashed, a little wave was emitted and it rushed over him. And he didn't notice, right, but then when the 747 crashed there was a huge tidal wave and it completely swamped him and I yelled.
Then I woke up, and my heart was beating like a Bear McCreary drum track. I was sweating. It was kinda lucid, so I really felt I was a part of it. I was also aware that I was dreaming and was trying to wake up. And I tend to have bad dreams about flying fairly often, but this one was especially weird.
Fucking absinthe, man. It was from the Czech Republic. *headdesk*
I found out last Wednesday that I got into College Of Staten Island for exchange next year, in New York City. I leave in January and I'm there until around July.
I have spent my entire degree working for this and knowing that with 80 applicants, NYC was a popular choice, and so I was incredibly happy and a little flattered and for once, PROUD, about the whole thing.
Anyway, I got home and told my parents. My dad high-fived me, then hugged me, and then told me how proud he was. My mother said, "I would be happy and I would hug you but you know how I feel about this". After being on the phone to Andi for ten minutes in a daze of happiness (I can't even remember what I was saying), and then getting all sorts of love from my other friends, my mother's comments cut me down so hard. Even after all of this, after all the work and stress I had put myself through to get the best scores I could, she couldn't even pretend to be happy.
She continued to make snarky comments about my reasons for wanting to go to NYC (including some seriously weird comments about my friendship with Andi, which were incredibly uncalled for and really actually very silly, and really I don't know where they came from). Dad and I were talking in the kitchen, and he mentioned under his breath to me that I shouldn't worry about my mother. Of course, she chips in with a "You know, you don't have to whisper" and I kind of lost my shit.
I was calm, but I was yelling. In my opinion, she is still my mother and always will be and due to some weird binding law of biology I will always love her. But she's no longer my parent. Our argument ended with me telling her that these are the last few months I will live in this house because New York or no New York, I cannot live with her any longer. I'm moving out a week after I get home. I don't know what I'll do; I'm supposed to finish my degree at the end of 2012 but I'm thinking of extending my degree to get a double-major in International Studies and Bachelor of Writing, because I really do love learning and being at university. I was never really an academic but I love the balance of creativity and knowledge that I have found in myself. It's liberating.
I have put up with her shit for too long. She's been trying to sabotage my chances at NYC since I first said I wanted to go in January 2010. Yet for some reason she feels like if I didn't go, I would still be happy at home with her.
Look, anyone who knows me well enough knows I have issues with my mother. I wish I didn't, and I wish I could get on as well with her as I do my father, but I can't. She has done nothing but bring me down for as long as I can remember. I don't remember the last time she complimented me for anything, I don't remember the last time she gave any sympathy for anything. Whenever I told her I was sad, she would answer with "I bet I'm sadder than you". When dad got diagnosed with depression and anxiety last year, she ridiculed him for being weak. My friends hate coming to my house because she makes them feel so uncomfortable. It's crazy because my dad has done everything for us and is probably the most selfless person I know. And she has broken him, and all of us.
So I'm done with her. We haven't spoken since the day I found out I was moving and I have to say it has been so refreshing. I think I've just gotten to that point where I don't want to put up with her shit anymore. And more importantly, I don't have to. She thinks I'm "intolerent" (interesting coming from the woman who still hasn't fully accepted her son's sexuality, four years after he came out) but I really think I've just given up hoping that she'll get better.
So yeah. Sorry for the wah. I promise it won't be frequent. I think I'll be too busy to complain now anyhow. The new semester has started and I've recently started a band with my best friend's little (6'2") brother. I've also started getting double the amount of shifts to get some serious cash together before I leave. And I'm trying to write and paint when I can, but mostly I'm so exhausted that whenever I get a spare minute, I'm falling asleep with my head in a book.
Love and rockets, sane people.
So toward the end of last year / beginning of this year, I discovered this band called the Jezabels. They're a four-piece from Sydney consisting of a guitarist, pianist, drummer and singer, and their style is so interesting. The guitarist is a folk-nut (yet often paraphrases The Edge), the pianist is classically trained and doesn't really listen to much else, the drummer is a heavy-metal guy, and the singer is a less crazy Kate Bush. The sound is original and so damn awe-inspiring. They have a trio of EPs and are about to release their debut.
As a completely independent band, they don't receive much radio airplay apart from Triple J and there really isn't much media involvement in getting these guys out into the mainstream public. However, their popularity is only testament to their talent. They've played shows all around the world, and have such a hype that they always live up to. I saw them at a music festival in Canberra earlier this year, and they were slotted on just after lunchtime, when no one would really be at the festival. Yet the crowd was massive and they absolutely blew everyone away. Hayley Mary's voice is so powerful, and intense. Like a higher-pitched Florence Welch. But huskier. Is it even possible to be husky and high-pitched? I dunno, but she does it. And the absence of a bass player really lets the sound stay in it's raw originality. Also, the sound is so massive, bass isn't really necessary.
Anyway, they're touring the country in October and like I said, they haven't released an LP yet. But the entire tour sold out in an hour. They don't even have an album! I went online to get tickets for the Canberra show ten minutes after they'd gone on sale, and it was completely sold out. The power of word-of-mouth! I was gutted to have missed out on tickets, but so proud of the band and the good Australian people for supporting them.
These guys are explosive. They deserve so much more recognition than they already receive and I just want to personally recommend them to everyone I have ever met. It's not enough to talk about them with my hipster friends, I want everyone to love them! This music inspires me and paints my world in brighter colours. Songs like "Hurt Me" and "Easy To Love" create this sense of intensity and a surge of creativity within two verses. IT IS INSANE.
So yeah, I love them, and I want you all to love them. So please listen to them. And support independent music!
- Music:The Jezabels
1. Seeker Lover Keeper - "Even Though I'm A Woman"
All-Australian all-female supergroup featuring Sarah Blasko, Holly Throsby and Sally Seltman. This song is outstanding. Seriously, if you don't listen to it, I will be irrationally upset with you. I really think a certain singing midwife would simply adore this group.
2. The Jezabels - "Endless Summer"
First single from the eagerly awaited debut record. Again, Australian and again, absolutely amazing. The lead singer, Hayley Mary is this tiny little thing and yet she belts out these amazing and huge notes. Their sound is intense, their choruses massive, and her lyrics are outstanding. NYC folks, they're playing in New York within the next week or two; I'd highly recommend seeing them live. Mind-blowing. This band is so young, I cannot wait to see what they become.
3. Gotye ft. Kimbra - "Somebody That I Used To Know"
This song has topped the Triple J nightly request poll nearly every night since the song dropped over a month ago. It is ridiculous to even pretend anything else will be no. 1 on the Hottest 100 this year. An amazing post break-up song. Gotye is a fucking genius, and has such a unique style, and I cannot wait for the new record.
4. Boy & Bear - "Feeding Line"
No words can sum up this song.
5. Kanye West & Jay-Z ft Otis Redding - "Otis"
Old. SCHOOL. Cannot wait for this album. "Sounds so soulful don't you agree?" I'm in love with this song. Album drops in two days. I'm stupidly excited.
- Music:Seeker Lover Keeper
I'm done being angry with the universe and the people in it. It gets you nothing and nowhere. I no longer care about said universe and said people in it. And I feel fucking fantastic.
So my sister set up a food blog for Canberran restaurants. I've never read it; I've lived in the 'Berra most of my life and have my own favourite places to go to. Anyway I think it's reasonably popular or something, I dunno.
Anyway, Matt and I are having another night-session at the library. I've spent all day at the National Library on the other side of the lake but now we're at ANU. We're having a dinner break in an hour or so and I suggested London Burgers and Beers. It's good; their gourmet Portuguese chicken burger is amazing, and it's all fresh. And they have cheap beer. So I suggested it because I'm poor but really need a drink. Matt has grown quite fond of Wok In A Box so we're at odds over it.
And then, you know what he says? "I read your sister's blog entry about it and she said it's busy on mid-week nights."
.... Screw you Erin. I know you read this too so I know you'll... read this. Now I have to have crappy hokkien noodles and mineral water when I could have had Boag's at $4.50 and a good burger!
I will make you both pay.
EDIT: I think I may have convinced Matt to at least go for a pint at the Phoenix afterward. I seriously need a drink if I'm going to finish this Human Rights essay.
EDIT 2: We the idiots had to pick a spot in the library right next to the window, which is covered in spiderwebs, and of course, spiders. They are staring at me. I think I'm in the middle of what they call a panic attack.
I'm at Hancock library for a night-time study session with my best mates. We're each doing different courses at uni; Matt is doing Development Studies, Helen is doing Medicine and I'm the embarrassing Arts student. And right now all we're researching is where to eat for under $10 in the ANU area.
EDIT: Helen just showed me a microscope image of a mouse's brain. Wondering how I can incorporate it into my essay on the accuracy of film adaptations concerning real events and people. The Social Network, with mice? Maybe that would be more accurate?
SECOND EDIT: It's not.
THIRD EDIT: Helen's started showing us hilarious, if not slightly racist, videos on YouTube. I think it's time for dinner.
FOURTH EDIT: We went to a place called Wok In A Box. My fortune cookie called me fat.
FIFTH EDIT: I'm having a 'break' and reading back over Lucy's Fedcon reports from 2009. I'm getting so nostalgic. Helen just let out a laugh that turned the whole floor's heads. I am not sure why she is laughing; she's writing a lab report about poo.
SIXTH EDIT: Helen just informed Matt and I that apparently, 50% of our poo is simply bacteria.
SEVENTH EDIT: We decided to rename May to "Dismay" and June to "Doom" - because of the awful amount of essay-writing and exam participation during these months.
EIGHTH EDIT: Just googled "custard apple".
NINTH EDIT: We're being kicked out. It's 10.30pm. Nighty Blighty.
- Music:Matthew complaining.
Took a trippy test that someone recommended on Tumblr. It's bizarre and seems completely bonkers but the results are pretty interesting. I think you should all do it. Do it now.http://www.hypnoid.com/psytest2.html
Here Is My Result:
"You have a poetic sensibility and an ability to see beyond the day to day. You often seem to be living in a higher realm, or to be not-of-this-earth. Occasionally you imagine interior lives for friends and associates that are near-complete fabrications based on your fears or hopes for the future. You are often not aware of your own feelings. You have a strong sense of right and wrong, and because of this are often disappointed. Despite what can sometimes be a destructive inward-turning anger, you are very gentle. You are sometimes a bit out of touch with the ebb and flow of modern life. If your behavior is out of synch with your moral values, a severe psychic disturbance can result. Because connectivity is so important to you, you can become quiet and sulky if you feel that others around do not understand your point of view."
I dunno, "not-of-this-earth" makes me feel like an alien, but some of this is creepily dead on. What do you think? Am I "not-of-this-earth" ?? Also I want you all to do it because I am interested to see how such a strange test can be so accurate and if it's as accurate for others.
- Music:Architecture In Helsinki