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Tales Of The Fighting Agathon
Sex, Lies, And An Airlock
Mommy Issues 
26th-Aug-2011 11:50 pm
I found out last Wednesday that I got into College Of Staten Island for exchange next year, in New York City. I leave in January and I'm there until around July.

I have spent my entire degree working for this and knowing that with 80 applicants, NYC was a popular choice, and so I was incredibly happy and a little flattered and for once, PROUD, about the whole thing.

Anyway, I got home and told my parents. My dad high-fived me, then hugged me, and then told me how proud he was. My mother said, "I would be happy and I would hug you but you know how I feel about this". After being on the phone to Andi for ten minutes in a daze of happiness (I can't even remember what I was saying), and then getting all sorts of love from my other friends, my mother's comments cut me down so hard. Even after all of this, after all the work and stress I had put myself through to get the best scores I could, she couldn't even pretend to be happy.

She continued to make snarky comments about my reasons for wanting to go to NYC (including some seriously weird comments about my friendship with Andi, which were incredibly uncalled for and really actually very silly, and really I don't know where they came from). Dad and I were talking in the kitchen, and he mentioned under his breath to me that I shouldn't worry about my mother. Of course, she chips in with a "You know, you don't have to whisper" and I kind of lost my shit.

I was calm, but I was yelling. In my opinion, she is still my mother and always will be and due to some weird binding law of biology I will always love her. But she's no longer my parent. Our argument ended with me telling her that these are the last few months I will live in this house because New York or no New York, I cannot live with her any longer. I'm moving out a week after I get home. I don't know what I'll do; I'm supposed to finish my degree at the end of 2012 but I'm thinking of extending my degree to get a double-major in International Studies and Bachelor of Writing, because I really do love learning and being at university. I was never really an academic but I love the balance of creativity and knowledge that I have found in myself. It's liberating.

I have put up with her shit for too long. She's been trying to sabotage my chances at NYC since I first said I wanted to go in January 2010. Yet for some reason she feels like if I didn't go, I would still be happy at home with her.

Look, anyone who knows me well enough knows I have issues with my mother. I wish I didn't, and I wish I could get on as well with her as I do my father, but I can't. She has done nothing but bring me down for as long as I can remember. I don't remember the last time she complimented me for anything, I don't remember the last time she gave any sympathy for anything. Whenever I told her I was sad, she would answer with "I bet I'm sadder than you". When dad got diagnosed with depression and anxiety last year, she ridiculed him for being weak. My friends hate coming to my house because she makes them feel so uncomfortable. It's crazy because my dad has done everything for us and is probably the most selfless person I know. And she has broken him, and all of us.

So I'm done with her. We haven't spoken since the day I found out I was moving and I have to say it has been so refreshing. I think I've just gotten to that point where I don't want to put up with her shit anymore. And more importantly, I don't have to. She thinks I'm "intolerent" (interesting coming from the woman who still hasn't fully accepted her son's sexuality, four years after he came out) but I really think I've just given up hoping that she'll get better.

So yeah. Sorry for the wah. I promise it won't be frequent. I think I'll be too busy to complain now anyhow. The new semester has started and I've recently started a band with my best friend's little (6'2") brother. I've also started getting double the amount of shifts to get some serious cash together before I leave. And I'm trying to write and paint when I can, but mostly I'm so exhausted that whenever I get a spare minute, I'm falling asleep with my head in a book.

Love and rockets, sane people.
26th-Aug-2011 02:09 pm (UTC)
I feel for ya! *hugs* I never know how to deal with people who can't just be happy for someone. If someone is all happy, it's not fair to bring them down. But you have worked so/too hard to go to NYC and it's fucking awesome that you're going! You deserve it, mate! Maybe some distance between you and your mom will do the both of you good. But remember to follow your own path, because you are you and not your mom!

26th-Aug-2011 02:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks, mate! Yeah, distance may work, but after a year away in England my mother decided I had become an even more selfish devil-child, so who knows what this will do hahaha.

26th-Aug-2011 02:54 pm (UTC)
CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is awesome and amazing and you should be proud!

I'm sorry things with your mother are so rough like that. :(

27th-Aug-2011 06:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks bb!

Eh, shit happens. (((((Anniepoo)))))
26th-Aug-2011 07:52 pm (UTC)
((((((Kate)))))) Sorry hun, wish I could do something to help :(
27th-Aug-2011 06:25 pm (UTC)
Don't worry about it, Doc. You're already doing something great by listening to (or reading) my ranting. Love you long time.
27th-Aug-2011 07:59 am (UTC)
Your mum sounds jealous and bitter :(

But.... NYC. omg. Work and save, work and save, and save some more for when you get back down under.
27th-Aug-2011 06:26 pm (UTC)
She is.

Oh dude, I know. Serious works and saves happening right now.
27th-Aug-2011 05:33 pm (UTC)
[...] because I really do love learning and being at university. I was never really an academic but I love the balance of creativity and knowledge that I have found in myself. It's liberating.

I am SOOO HAPPY you feel this way. It's almost like I knew you would...
27th-Aug-2011 06:28 pm (UTC)
I just love learning new things about the world. Especially in the international studies realm. I mean, a lot of it is depressing as fuck, especially as one of my classes this semester is "Globalisation and Resistance", but I'm fascinated.

I knew you'd like this.
27th-Aug-2011 05:36 pm (UTC)

My friends hate coming to my house because she makes them feel so uncomfortable.

I would LOVE to come to your house and put your mother in her place. Seriously. I have never been afraid of parents, even as a child. ;)
27th-Aug-2011 06:31 pm (UTC)
The only other person who isn't a Bingham and who has taken on The Beth was my brother's boyfriend. She said something particularly nasty to Adam in his presence once and he verbally pwned her. I mean, he was no longer welcome in the house after that but he earned my respect and approval right there.

Whenever Helen is drunk she comes up with things she will "one day" say to her, but I know you would in a heartbeat.

... when are you visiting??? ;)

27th-Aug-2011 11:47 pm (UTC)
Wish there was a snowy, south coast side walk where we could meet up whenever we wanted to. ;) So sorry that your Mum is being so resentful over your going to NYC (which is a brilliant achievement) and that she is so unreasonable about everything. I hope in time, she might come around.

*massive hugs*
28th-Aug-2011 08:55 am (UTC)
Bournemouth ftw. She might come around but for now I'm not waiting for it. I've got a life to live, and a city to OWN. :)

28th-Aug-2011 11:45 pm (UTC)
It's crazy because my dad has done everything for us and is probably the most selfless person I know.

So that's why he spent my entire adolesence at the pub instead of spending any time with us? Although. I would probably spend 8 years at the pub then at home with her.
28th-Aug-2011 11:48 pm (UTC)
*rather spend 8 years at the pub then at home with her...
29th-Aug-2011 04:42 am (UTC)
Your adolescence was during those 23 years where he had two jobs. As the eldest you had to deal with him not being around as much, sure, and yeah he was at the pub a lot too. But yes, it was because after working so hard, having to come home to a wife who does nothing all day but play on a stupid swim-club website (we were all at school by then) seemed like hell compared to going to the pub. It's not like I don't remember him coming home drunk at weird hours and yelling the house down. Don't you remember that Christmas where I ran away because he was so drunk and abused me? I just appreciate that he's trying to make up for it now, and is trying to be a good dad to ALL of us. You need to look past that time and see what he's doing now. He knows he wasn't there a lot. And don't come back with some stupid "He's trying to buy your love" argument, the dude has ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY to his name and he's still always there for me, unlike our mother. He doesn't judge, he doesn't compare your problems with his, but he does care.

So yeah. I know he wasn't there for you. But he is now. And we really shouldn't have these conversations here.
29th-Aug-2011 05:05 am (UTC)
I know he's try to make an effort now and I appreciate that.

But you need to appreciate how fucked up and scarred I am because of BOTH of our parents. It's not just Mum for me. I don't forgive as easy as you do - but that's just me. And you've got to let me have that anger, I'm sure I'll get over it eventually. And I am starting too.

And how can you say that we shouldn't have these conversations on here when you just made a massive post about Mum? Double standards?
29th-Aug-2011 05:09 am (UTC)
Okay. Alright, you're scarred because of both of them. I know I forgive easliy. I know it takes time for you.

I vented about mum, as this is my place to vent. I don't like having arguments online. Especially personal ones. We'll talk more at dinner tonight, yeah?
29th-Aug-2011 05:16 am (UTC)
Yes - woman! Let me have the chip on my shoulder.

You're right - this is your place to vent. LJ is sacred (I've been on here nearly 10 years - I understand.

I'm going to unfriend you - don't take it personally. You should be able to vent. And part of the beauty of LJ is that no one really knows the people you are venting about. It's cathartic like that. But I want to keep seeing bitchy little posts on twitter, okay? They make me laugh (and then smile because I'm not living at home any more)
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